We’re currently looking for a new housemate because one of my housemates is moving out to go study in Tel Aviv.
So far I’m kind of feeling that it’s like that sequence of calls from the movie Mrs. Doubtfire.
It seems that each person that calls interested in the apartment is a degree more deranged or twisted than the one before. I guess that’s the problem with the internet, equal access for all.
Damn freedom.
The first person that called was a guy, despite us specifically advertising for a girl – preferably good looking, French or South American, and single – but these weren’t a necessity.
We’ll just call this mystery man ‘Tomer’, mainly because that was his name.
He comes late to see the place so neither I nor my other housemate could wait for him, just a girl who’s subletting from us at the moment who shows his round the place. He calls my housemate later and says with the confidence of an American stunt man:
“Hi, I was looking at the room that’s available and, well, it’s a little small. Then I saw the other room (my room), and I understand he’s going to the army soon. I mean good on him and all. But why does a soldier need such a big room? I was wondering if I could rent his room?”
Ah… No…
The next person to call starts off by saying in a slow nasally voice that she’s 27 years old and 80% disabled.
We live on the 3rd floor of the building, no lift. She says that’s fine. Last I checked legs were more that 20% of your body, so what else works?
I’m confused.
She asks “can I see the room now?”
My roommate and I aren’t home.
“Oh, so how about later today? You see I have to go tomorrow to see my son on the other side of the country. He lives with my ex-husband”
“We probably won’t be home till later”
“Oh, okay, so I might just go to the shopping centre till you’re back. Will you call me when your back?”
“It might only be late in the night”
“Also, I’m quite a social person, but I like my privacy. And also I’d appreciate it if you could tell me before you have people over. And I hope it’s okay if my son and ex-husband come over occasionally for dinner. So can I come and see the place now?”
(…)
“So are you home now, because I really need to move out of my apartment soon?”
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU SAY TO THAT!?!
It would make for some cool blog posts if she actually moved in. Or it could just turn me into a tortured poet.
What’s awkward now is that she knows where we live!
We had one girl who came to look at the place. Sauntered through the place with absolute grace. She’s doing her masters at Hebrew U in Israeli History. Really sweet. ‘Religious light’, meaning she keep kosher and Shabbat but is cool. And best of all – sane.
I hope she calls back, she seemed to like the place. We’ll see.
