Public Transport Troubles

The light rail in Jerusalem is up and running, and has quickly become the symbol of modernity in this ancient city.

For me, on my ten minute joy ride on the tram each day to base, has become a microcosm of the schisms which exists in my home town.

Full article:

http://blogs.timesofisrael.com/political-israel/

Purim Shibang!

Jerusalem was ignited with celebrations last week for Purim: the festival where the Jews of ancient Persia were almost annihilated, and despite the day being saved by Esther (a woman), the male author of the scroll is recognised as the hero. Also, although God does not make an appearance in the narrative, we still attribute the overall victory to Him. The Patriarchy wins again!

As a result of the whole shemozzle we dress up in costumes, give presents to the poor, eat, and get inebriated.

For the full article click here.

Tal Law

Since arriving back to Jerusalem from my visit to Australia, the rollercoaster ride that is my life resumed with added fervour. Most of the chaos is due to the High Court's decision not to renew 'Tal Law'.


For the full article please click here.

Bad Words

I guess the people have voted and you have to give the people what they want.

So I am still in the Defence Force serving one of my countries. My Hebrew speaking skills, and my be-a-barsterd-bureaucrat skills are improving immensely.

My only problem is still the slang, I can translate things in my head, but they make no sense in the context of things, so I just sit there and allow the floods gates of potty-talk take shape in my imagination.

NB: If your parents believe in censorship of bad-naughty words, or you have a weak heart, keep reading (I don’t give a shit).

So the other day this comrade of mine is telling us all about his weekend and how amazing it was, then he says “Achalti ochel BEN zonah” which literally means “I ate food son of a whore”.

SO I’m thinking, okay, so he ate the food of a son of a whore, but is happy about it, so maybe the son of a whore’s mother came out to give him the food and gave him a ‘plus 1’ for more tips.

Or maybe he ate the food of a son of a whore, who in the womb contracted one of her many STIs and then her son passed in on to my friend and now the disease is taking over his mind leaving him with that stupid smile stapled to his face. Syphilis can do that!

So I ask: “Why would you eat the food from a son of a whore”, people laugh.

Me: “no, seriously”…

FYI – eating the food of the son of a whore means it was a good thing. The term can also be used for video games: “That video game, son of a whore!”

Favourite tunes “that song was son of a whore”.

But not people “That guy is a son of a whore” is still an insult, but if he serves you food, or plays a song, it’s good!

By now I am a really confused son of whore!

Next this female comrade asks a fellow soldier to help her clean the office, he don’t take no orders from no woman. So she tells him, that she doesn’t care and can also “lizrok zayin al ha’Kol” – which to the literal reader means “I can also throw dick on everything”.

So I just get visually raped time and time again picturing this young girl throwing penises on everything she sees.

Where does she get these penises? Who is now walking around without their penis? Who is going to clean up these penis casualties and tell their parents that they fought bravely and died with dignity?

I later find out after another embarrassing question that it means to “throw your dick away” mean to “not give a damn”. With loose Socratic reasoning, it makes sense!

I also learnt a euphemism for homosexuals; it roughly translates to “a guy who runs backwards with his eyes closed in a field of corn.”

So colourful this holy tongue!

I am no longer worried about learning the language of the Hebrew Man, now it’s all about learning the language of the Hebrew Teen.

P.s. You can still vote on this post.

Your Voice Counts! Etc.

So I know I have been silent in the lead up to my year anniversary as an official Israeli citizen which falls on the 9^th January.

I know, I know, a great hush has fallen over the internet world!

Not really, you still have shitheads blogging about technical incongruities in Sci Fi films, and idiot parents slapping their kids and posting the reaction on YouTube.

This is where you come in!

Don’t slap your kids!

I am thinking of metamorphosing my blog into a Tweet account, this would mean that instead of reading so much,  or as I like to think of it as: ‘Essence of Blog’/ This means all the insight, laughts, and updates – only more condensed.

If you think this is a good idea, vote “I want to go to there” at the bottom of this blog and I will take you to there.

If you prefer the blog click “Pure wit”

If you are like everyone in my generation and either don’t want to commit or want samples product click “Interesting”

The decision will take place in a week. Maybe more.

Then again maybe less.

The power is YOURS!