Kvetch

In coming to Jerusalem I thought I would be suddenly overwhelmed with theological clarity. In reality, the opposite has happened. I’ve never been so consumed with doubt regarding religion.

I can understand that uncertainty is a trait which very typical for someone of my generation, but I never felt a part of my generation in aspects of organised religion because I think in some way, I was content with where I was.

My new understanding is that to be Jewish, is to Kvetch.

To sit uncomfortably because of the uncertainties welling up inside of you; To struggle with doubt in your innermost being to the point where it feels as though there is a noose around your guts pulling you awake at night, making you lose sleep, lose your hair, loose colour in your face. You have to feel as though you’re swimming upstream against the ebb and flow of atheism and commitment to your ‘Jewish day school deity’, who weights his children’s deeds, rules over all in existence justly but with an iron fist.

It’s exhausting but I believe engaging in the struggle is key to being an observant Jew.

I believe we’re the chosen people – Chosen to kvetch!

We left a life of slaver only to burn our feet on hot sand and accept a covenant which chains us to another ruler who at the drop a hat will sentence us to death. (see: Vayikra/Leviticus and Devarim/Deuteronomy)

And what a cleaver deity we committed ourselves to under that burning mountain! She (gender non-specific) gives a law-book which enables Her (again, not gendered) to be completely absent from this world, but have Her people self-bound to her eternally in committed service because of their curse to kvetch at the thought of not doing something right which is so embeded into our genes...

Oddly I am glad to be a part of this, couldn't picture it any other way...

Hug a Tree!

Been having quite a bit of trouble connecting to God here, I actually feel that with my souls burning desire to reach Jerusalem satiated the flow has been restricted slightly.

Then comes Tu B’Shvat the festival of trees and nature and BOOM my shakras (spiritual cisterns) are cleared and I reopened to the idea of being friends with YHWH again.

So I went to the hardcore-hippy tu b’shvat seder where the symbolism what dripping of the walls. Going through each of the fruits and through the four cups of wine representing the four levels of spirituality I could sense meaning in things again.

For example: before eating the date (one of the seven species of Israel) we meditated on the idea that the fruit comes from a tree whose roots, who’s values, run deep into the earth. The palm tree is firm in its beliefs but at the same time the trunk has the ability to sway and be flexible in its ideals. So when ingesting the fruit of this unique tree you ingest this idea as well.

Another example is the pastries, you don’t eat a pastry that falls on the ground but you also forget that it actually came from the ground and is something that can level you. Also when making the pastry (which was delicious) the flour is sifted so you meditate on the idea of sifting out the bad from your life and using the good to contribute to the world.

In the back of the room, which could fit 40 comfortably but was packed with about 80 people, there was the religious equivalent of a "WOOW girl" only instead of being a girl he was a guy, and instead of being a “Woow Party!” kinda guy he was a “WOOW GOD!” kinda guy. And in his American accent and tie-dyed tzitzit (ritual fringes) he would eat each fruit and shout “Yay God thank you for making Banana trees” “Thanks God for rugelach!” etc. His passion for nature was a cross between inspiring and God damn annoying. (70% of the latter) He was normal compared to the Mother Earth looking grandma with a tamborine which said Moshiach (Messiah) on it. She was the Gaya from Captain planet of the seder.

I leave you with a final though a lonely girl shared with us:

Its so interesting that his festival falls in winter, where the trees aren’t in bloom and their colour and fruits are hidden. A seed (she said) disintegrates completely before sprouting out of the ground, meaning that when it appears that nothing is happening the most vibrant activity is happening hidden from the naked eye. All you need to do is scratch the surface a tin my bit to see it.

The parallels with the fruit and my life are lame but meaningful to me, so I wont share them.

Happy new year trees!