Are We All Free?

Patriarchy controlling who leans

Reclining in my seat while drinking wine was a custom I grew up on around the seder table. As I laze over the arm of my chair covered with a pillow of sorts like a bloated emperor I looked  around at my family and guests and always saw everyone, women and men alike doing the same “כולנו מסובים” “we all recline”.[1] I grew up knowing that on Passover eve there was a direct correlation between the freedom we celebrate, and the action of lounging about the dining table in an intoxicated state - Most probably a practise borrowed from the Greek or Roman emperors who behaved this way which we’ve done since then.

Something that was not always practiced is the act of allowing women to recline as men do, which may have been a result of the following laws:

(1)    “A woman near her husband does not need to lean, and if she is an important woman, she needs to lean”[2]

(2)    “A woman does not need to lean, and if she is an important woman she needs to lean”[3]

(3)    A woman does not need to lean, because of fear of her husband, and she is subservient to him”[4]

(4)    “A woman does not need to lean, as there is no freedom for a woman near her husband. And if she is an important woman, she needs to lean, as there is no servitude in her marriage relationship. Therefore all that are not in the presence of her husband, it appears she needs to lean.”[5]

(5)    “A woman does not need to lean, since she serves her husband”[6]

I think you get the picture.

I find it so interesting that on a day when we celebrate our freedom as a nation, our Rabbis dictate that women are in fact still enslaved.

This is not the first time women are grouped together with that of servants; “women, slaves and minors are exempt from the reading of the Shema”[7] the main reason for this being that when she reads “Hear O Israel the Lord my God, my Lord is One” she is lying because she has a second master over her – her husband.[8]

Now there are many words used in Jewish Law to describe a woman (Maidservant, youth-woman, girl, wife, virgin, slave-girl, widow, divorcee), and I think in this instance it is really important to define who is being exempt from leaning at the seder table and is therefore not entirely ‘free’.

Now I was told that Rashi, one of the most literal commentators, died in the middle of his commentary of these laws, but he was survived by his grandsons and sons-in-law, who actually change the status of all women regarding this situation by saying “nowadays all our women are considered ‘important’ and need to lean”[9]

This is huge!

Instead of changing or finding a loophole within the laws they simply come along and change the defining terms which limit women from this ritual.

I’m impressed, and to me it seems that if things like this can happen then there is hope for the oppressive patriarchal laws within our tradition.

Something similar happened a while ago as well; the hearing impaired used to be grouped with the intellectually handicapped because in the 3^rd Century C.E. someone who couldn’t hear usually didn’t receive the sufficient therapy to be able to communicate, so it was assumed that they didn’t comprehend and had an intellectual handicap as well and where thus expect from leading services: “A deaf-mute, an imbecile and a minor do not fulfil an obligation on behalf of the many”.[10] The correlation between impaired hearing and mental disability is known today to be false.  

Chag Sameach! May we all progress toward a more complete state of freedom

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[1] For the Mah Nishtanah

[2] Babylonian Talmud, Pesakhim, 108b

[3] Rif, Pesakhim, 23a (1013-1103)

[4] Rashbam, Pesakhim, 108b (1080-1160)

[5] Meiri Pesakhim, 108b (1249-1315)

[6]Ran of the Rif (1320-1380

[7] Mishnah Tractate Brakhot 3:3

[8] See Talmud Bavli Brakhot, 20b.

[9] Mordokhi (Tosafot), as quoted in Sefer HaMaharil, The Hagadah S.V. Haseibah (1360-1427)

[10] Mishnah Rosh HaShanah 3:8

The Mattress

The following story is true. You may have heard it somewhere, whereas I heard it from my Grandfather, son of a Hasid, who heard it from his teacher the Tzaddik of Lodz, direct fourth generation descendent of Yitzchok of Vurka the Holy Rebbe who did not embellish or bend the truth. And because of the way in which I heard this story from my father's father, who herd it in the very language the Rebbe told it in, and did not add a word because he was not a fan of adding cheap frills for the sake of the story, my version is the direct from the original stock.

There is no other way to describe Reb Yitzchok of Vurka’s socio economic status apart from saying plainly that he was extremely poor. It happened one night in early spring just two weeks before Passover, after returning to his home devoid of material possessions from the evening service. It was one of the first nights he was able to walk the streets without fear of getting frostbite from the deathly cold of the winter now past. For fear of getting his dovening trousers dirty he had tucked his pants into his socks much in the style of the Chassidim of today. Feeling drained as he usually does after projecting his voice with words of Torah through the drafty shule, he rested his frail frame by lying down on his bed, upon which one of the planks of wood which had rotten through during the winter gave way leaving an indent in the Rebbe’s mattress. The Rebetzin, being handy as she was, managed to repair the indent cheaply with a bit of straw which left a dense lump in the mattress. Although the Rebbe found it difficult to sleep because of the mound of straw, he thanked Ha-Kadosh-Baruch-Hu for the challenge, and attempted to cope with the blessing in disguise.

After a week of sleeping on this mattress the righteous man had developed a knot in his shoulder which throbbed relentlessly and on the eve of Passover the pulsating pain had escalated to an unbearable point which even two cups of wine could not numb.  Surrounded by his disciples the holy man of God understood that he could not halt the reading of the Exodus from Egypt. He thought long and hard and despite fear of appearing immodest he called his gentle wife from the next room to sooth his ailment by rubbing his back. The seder continued and they sang with sorrow the song “we were slaves in Egypt”. The disciples, understanding that the Rebbe would not be openly immodest without deep significance, interpreted the act as a representation of the Talmudic passage “The Jews were redeemed as a reward for their righteous women” (Babylonian Talmud: Tractate Sotah 11b). So mid-song, they too called their wives to rub their backs. And in a crescendo of song and deep tissue back rubbing the passage came to a close in a gentle fade-out at which point a deep groan of relief escaped the Rebbe’s mouth “Yhoy-vey!”.

The students gasped at the sound of the four letter unspoken name of God (י-ה-ו-ה) bounding against their eardrums, but their blind faith of their holy leader accepted it as sign of the spiritual height the Rebbe had achieved through the song.

The Seder ended with “Next year in the rebuilt Jerusalem” and everyone went on their way feeling a sense of elation at having experienced the Rebbe’s spiritual ascent.

It happened that in time, the righteous Rebbe passed on. His successor in remembrance of his beloved teacher maintained his mid-seder minhag of having his back rubbed by his life partner, only after expounding on the Kabbalistic relevance of the act. Is came to pass that generations later, the tradition spread to all of Ashkenaz who to this day recline in their chairs and are massaged by their wives in order to reach the spiritual climax of the Rebbe long gone.