I can understand that uncertainty is a trait which very typical for someone of my generation, but I never felt a part of my generation in aspects of organised religion because I think in some way, I was content with where I was.
My new understanding is that to be Jewish, is to Kvetch.
To sit uncomfortably because of the uncertainties welling up inside of you; To struggle with doubt in your innermost being to the point where it feels as though there is a noose around your guts pulling you awake at night, making you lose sleep, lose your hair, loose colour in your face. You have to feel as though you’re swimming upstream against the ebb and flow of atheism and commitment to your ‘Jewish day school deity’, who weights his children’s deeds, rules over all in existence justly but with an iron fist.
It’s exhausting but I believe engaging in the struggle is key to being an observant Jew.
I believe we’re the chosen people – Chosen to kvetch!
We left a life of slaver only to burn our feet on hot sand and accept a covenant which chains us to another ruler who at the drop a hat will sentence us to death. (see: Vayikra/Leviticus and Devarim/Deuteronomy)
And what a cleaver deity we committed ourselves to under that burning mountain! She (gender non-specific) gives a law-book which enables Her (again, not gendered) to be completely absent from this world, but have Her people self-bound to her eternally in committed service because of their curse to kvetch at the thought of not doing something right which is so embeded into our genes...
Oddly I am glad to be a part of this, couldn't picture it any other way...
